Saturday, 23 December 2017

SANTA-FY!


The screen of Alfie's phone flashed red and green as a candy-cane striped logo filled its expanse. SANTA-FY! A gimmicky app he found recommended in the app store, which he downloaded to waste some time before getting ready for the office party. After the festive loading screen vanished, the app switched to camera mode. Alfie posed in front of the mirror and snapped a photo of himself. He grinned at his image, an Adonis with hard earned muscles that looked as rock-hard and precise as a Grecian statue. His handsome visage blurred and darkened as an hourglass symbol appeared over the top. The words "Santafying" slowly pulsed underneath. A minute passed with nothing else happening. "Pft, figures it's a piece of shit" he mumbled under his breath. "At least it was free...". He chucked his phone aside, along with his towel, and dug out a pair of fresh underwear.


Tuesday, 31 October 2017

Vignettes: Halloween Costumes



Miles entered Costume Plaza with awe. He'd never seen so many costumes in his life! He didn't know where to begin looking. He was eventually drawn to a rack near the entrance labelled "LAST MINUTE COSTUMES!". He swept through the rack, until he discovered a bag filled with army wear, labelled "Demolition Hawk". The name sounded somewhat familiar to him. Curious,  he brought the bag into the changing room to jog his memory. He pulled on a long pair of camouflage pants, slipped on the large, heavy boots, and stuck the helmet on his head. However, it seemed like an incomplete costume. Where was the shirt?

His question was answered when he felt a sudden pressure inside his body. He felt himself lurch up to the ceiling, almost doubling in height. Then his body burst outwards with pounds of muscle. His chest comically inflated like balloons into perfect slabs of luscious meat, while his stomach pulsated until a beautiful pair of abs emerged from within. His arms and legs swelled up in quick succession, growing to almost unrealistic proportions. Dark tattoos pierced through his skin, elaborately decorating his right arm and torso. His jawline reshaped itself into a squared off visage, finished off with a perfectly manicured beard.

Astonished, Miles ran a hand across his meaty body, feeling his plump pecs. He traced a finger across the tattoos that adorned his bicep, involuntarily flexing his arm in the process. He looked familiar somehow. He stroked his chin partially in thought, and partially to scratch his facial hair. Suddenly, he remembered. Demolition Hawk! From that gritty 90s army cartoon! He used to watch it with his dad all the time before he started school. He had always admired Demo, always wanted to be like him when he grew up. "Guess I got my wish" he said in a low, rumbling voice, flexing his arm with a grin. Hopefully the Halloween event didn't have too strict of a dress code.

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Halloween Enthusiast

Lincoln sat across from his nephew, Barry, while they took a break from shopping. He'd brought the boy out to prepare for Halloween, but instead of finding the perfect costume and decorations, he'd spent the entire day distant and uninterested. It hurt to see his fellow Halloween enthusiast so down. Finally, he got up the courage to ask "Is something wrong? You're usually so ecstatic about Halloween. Where's your spirit huh?".

Barry scoffed at his uncle's joke and mumbled "I'unnoft, I just don't wanna do it this year. I'm getting too old for that stuff"

"Too old!?" Lincoln almost shouted. "You're barely twelve! That's not too old for trick-or-treating"

"Yuh-huh, it's for babies! Besides, none of my friends are going. I'd be the weird loner who couldn't take a hint"

"You wouldn't be alone, I'll be there remember? It's, like, our thing!"

"Ugh, that's worse. I'm almost a teenager, I can go door to door by myself now. You know, if I wanted to. And I don't. Because it's dumb. Jason's holding a scary movie marathon anyway"

"B-but I've taken you trick-or-treating every year since your first Halloween. I never had the chance to do it when I was your age you know."

"I know, you literally tell me every year. Face it, if I'm too old for trick-or-treating, then you're ancient! You have to outgrow these things at some point"

Lincoln sat dumbstruck as his nephew turned his attention to his phone. He couldn't believe Barry didn't want to go trick-or-treating any more. No more costumes, no more free candy, no more uncle-nephew bonding... Sure he could start doing a movie night instead, but he couldn't stand those gory horror flicks, and Barry would rather want to be with friends instead of him... Lincoln just wasn't ready to give up up Halloween. His prudish parents never let him celebrate as a kid as they believed it to be a wicked holiday. Plus it was the only time he and Barry really had the chance to bond together in the year. If only he could get one more year out of it...